Sometimes being a high functioning neurodivergent can be a blessing and a curse. People expect so much of you. They don’t really consider the fact that you have your challenges. I totally get it. It’s really easy not to see things that you don’t personally experience. Sometimes, things have to be experienced by a person for them to fully get it.
One of my confessions is that I try my best to keep positive. I keep routine to the best of my ability. That’s not as easy as you would think it is. Things happen. Most people can quickly adapt and continue. I’m not in that group sadly. I get frazzled. I fall behind on my agenda. It takes me days to recover. Sometimes longer depending on how big the disruption is.
I get so embarrassed by how I act when these things happen. I get short-tempered and anxious. I feel like everything is closing in on me. I feel like everybody is angry with me for not getting the tasks done that I said I was going to. Realistically, I understand that nobody is angry with me. One day I will not only understand that, but I’ll accept it as well. There probably have been some people who have written me off because of it. It hurt at one point, but I’m understanding that it’s for the best.
ADHD can be a doozy. Especially when I have so many tasks to do. I constantly have multiple tabs open. I go to try to do something and suddenly I’m on a different tab. Sometimes, I have been shopping a sale and have many things in my cart. Somehow, I get distracted by something else. I go back to purchase and the sale has sadly ended. I mean it saved me money in the long run, but I still wish I hadn’t gotten so distracted.
I’ve somewhat found methods to help with ADHD. Last year, I discovered that putting my reviews in OneNote. It helps me keep track of the reviews I’ve written and the ones I still need to write. I still have a lot of reviews to write for last year, but I’m satisfied with my ongoing progress. Lately, I have discovered that I can focus better on the review if I use my Bluetooth keyboard and my iPad. I’m thinking it’s because I’m not tempted by blinking tabs. I could be wrong.
I find it ironic that the point I have been trying to make has been derailed by ADHD. I guess this is why many call it squirrel syndrome. I hope one day that I will quit being such a monster when things go sideways. I hope that I will learn to communicate better when I’m in high anxiety moments. I think until then, the best thing I can do is stick to myself until I’ve calmed myself. Everything will happen as it will.
Thank you for taking the time to read this. Once upon a time, I was ashamed to admit any of this. I was afraid I’d be accused of seeking attention. Or being told that others have it way worse than I did. I spend too much time invalidating my feelings based on how I think others will think of it that I forget that my opinions matter too. I’m working on that. I hope everybody has a wonderful weekend. Remember, that you are not alone. I’m always here if anybody needs somebody to talk to.