For the most part, this has been a decent week. I can’t complain too much. I have been sick. So there’s that. I wound up calling in Monday. That really took a toll on me. I hate calling in. It makes me feel like I’m being lazy and not wanting to work. I feel like I should work regardless of my health.

To be fair, that’s been ingrained in me with work. You call in and come back after you feel better and you get reminded how your attendance is important. Nobody ever says they are glad you’re feeling better. Nobody ever tells you that your health is important. They never tell you to feel better when you call in. They just remind you how important attendance is.

I get it. A lot of people just call off work because they don’t want to work. I don’t feel it’s really fair to lump everybody into that category though. I also feel like a person should be able to make up their time if they choose. If a person calls in one day and volunteers to work a day off to make up for it, I think that absence shouldn’t be counted against them.

Another thing that kind of irks me is companies saying how important mental health is. However, if you put your mental health on your job application, that’s a quick way to get on the no-hire list. If you mention your mental health at work, you’re suddenly treated differently. Sometimes you’re even let go. Not for having a mental illness, but they find a reason to let you go. The same can be said about sexual orientation as well.

This was intended to be a normal mental health journal. I promise. This is what has been weighing on me mentally though. I called in on Monday and now I’m worried about my job. I’m also worried that the all-day back-to-back calls may take a toll on my mental health.

This is just one thing I’d like to openly talk about that bothers me, but usually when I speak the people around me are silent. It makes me feel like I’m not allowed to have these opinions. Or my opinions are wrong and should be kept to myself. Sometimes I feel like if it’s not a positive and chirpy topic, I’m not allowed to talk about it. I’m supposed to stay silent and keep it to myself. This is another thing I struggle with frequently.

Thank you for listening to my ramble. I know this is a little off course for my normal mental health journal. I will try to stay on track from here on. Maybe this will help me unjumble the mess in my brain and help me think properly. We will see!

Please know. You aren’t alone. If you need somebody to talk to, I am here for you. Email me anytime. Or comment. Whatever helps you.

Suicide Hotline: 800-273-8255