Note: I will be alternating writing prompts and journal prompts. One week I’ll do a random journal prompt I find online and the next I’ll do a writing prompt. I’m not sure if I’ll do the writing prompts based on two words like I did before or look the prompts up. I may even be open to suggestions for both.

Blog Prompt: Write a letter to an old friend or lover that you’ll never send.

Dear Ex-Lover:

I met you when I was seventeen years old. I was with somebody else. I felt something between us, but I never acted on it because I’m not like that. Random events happened that caused us all to no longer be in each other’s lives. I won’t go into detail. You were there. You experienced it too.

Fast forward a few years. I had made a horrible decision in life. I thought my life was over. I thought I was stuck where I was. Then you came back into my life. Briefly. My rebellious side welcomed you with open arms. Things happened that probably shouldn’t have happened if I’m being totally honest. Then, you were gone again. I wasn’t really shocked.

You came in and out of my life a few more times after that. I let you come back every time. I thought I was in love with you. I thought you were the one I was meant to spend the rest of my life with you. My heart shattered every time you left. Even if I wasn’t all too surprised you were gone.

I spent a good part of my life thinking about you and wondering where you were. I wondered if you were thinking of me. I was consumed by you. I now understand that it was not love I felt. It was obsession. There is a big difference between the two. You were my drug of choice. You treated me like I didn’t matter threw me aside like garbage and I just kept running back to you.

I now know what it’s like to be loved authentically. I know what it’s like to not have to beg or plead for attention and love. I also now know what it feels like to finally start to love myself. You see, I can’t fully blame you for the toxic game we played. I was to blame too. I was to blame for thinking that I didn’t matter and that I didn’t deserve any better than what I was getting.

All this being said, I want you to know that I do not wish you ill will. We were both young. We were both in dark places. We were self-destructive and toxic to each other. You challenged me to stand up for myself. You taught me a lot if I’m being honest. There will always be a part of me that loves you. You’ll always have a special piece of my heart.

I hope that wherever you are and whatever you’re doing in life is wonderful. I hope that you have a wonderful significant other and that you both treat each other wonderfully. I hope that you are a wonderful father to your wonderful children. I’d like to be friends one day, but I just don’t see that happening. I do wish you a very blessed be.

-Nikkie

P.S.: Your spelling of your name is what encouraged me to spell Nikkie differently.